Michael Raymond K.

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time of year, filled with friends, family and food. Since graduating from high school all those years ago, I've had a Thanksgiving tradition with my friend Michael Raymond K., whom I've known since we were wee first graders. One night, we'd gather around the hearth at the local Hooters and feast on wings and, once we were of age, beer. Then, because New Jersey sucks in terms of public transportation, we'd walk over to the theatre and take in a movie while sobering up for the drive home. Generally, we'd watch a chick flick that he can't watch with any of his guy friends, but he desperately wants to see anyway, such as Love Actually.

But alas, this year no such tradition would be fulfilled (come to think of it, we didn't do it last year either b/c i got ditched for a certain other blogger... i hate you JJ). No Hooters. No wings. No beer. No K. He was unavailable due to this little war our nation's got going in Iraq.

He's shipping out and will be over there for approximately 14 months, training Iraqi soldiers. I was so proud of him when he graduated from West Point. And then, when he made it through training as an Army Ranger. Now, I can't believe he's actually doing this and I'm really scared for him.

I mean, this is Mike K., who loved doing show and tell in second grade and was sexually assaulted by two girls in the ladies room at the eighth grade graduation dance. Junior year of high school, he and my then-boyfriend, along with others, re-enacted scenes from Back to the Future with a skateboard and his truck. Senior year, he dressed up as Stone Cold Steve Austin, for no real reason, and Superman for Halloween (accompanied by me as Catwoman and other friends as Wonder Woman, Spiderman... who was out of place, we know... and a proxy for Batman). In college, he was my only friend from home who came to visit me in DC more than once. And he set me up with his roommate at West Point, because he told me his life just didn't feel right without me being one of his best friend's girlfriends.

This guy's going to war for our country? Not that I don't trust him with my security. Once, junior year of high school, we watched a scary movie with two of our friends. When he dropped me off at my house, nobody was home and I was scared. So, he came in with me and checked to make sure no one was in any of the closets or any other place where they can be hidden (if you've ever been to my house, you know that this could be a daunting task). He protected me then and I know he can protect all of us now... including himself.

He is, after all, a superhero.

(Still, I don't think he or any of our troops should really be out there, just to clarify.)

a new twist on feminism

Is Heidi Fleiss a new poster girl for 21st century feminism? Or is she just putting a perverted twist on the notion that "anything you can do I can do better?"

You decide.

On a totally unrelated note, who wants to take a trip with me to Pahrump, Nevada sometime next year? (jk!)

I've got a theory...

that it's a demon! A dancing demon... nya something isn't right there. (That was just for all you crazed Buffy fans. All others, please ignore my geekiness.) Anyway...

Have you ever noticed that as soon as your best friend gets out of a relationship, you meet the love of your life? Or vice versa? Or, at least, something similar?

Two of my friends from high school broke up (they didn't go out in high school, but rather re-met in college and made it work long-distance for about 3 years). Almost simultaneously, I met and got involved with my current boyfriend. In a similar twist of fate, recently my group of friends here in DC suffered an interesting turnover. Two friends, who had been in their respective relationships since I met them and for much longer, are suffering rocky times with their girlfriends. At the same time, another friend, who is infamous for his single-guy attitude (to put it nicely; to put it honestly, he'd hit on and sleep with anything with boobs), miraculously found and held onto a girlfriend, who is not ugly, fat, crazy or retarded.

To sum it up, the notoriously single found love and the usual couples found themselves losing grasp of it. So, is there such thing as a love quota? Can a group of friends only have so much luck in love?

I realize (unlike those crazy kids in Kansas) that this is only a theory and by definition must constantly be tested and will probably never be proven beyond the shadow of a doubt. Still, based on this theory, might I suggest that next time you find yourself looking for love, just go sabotage your friend's happy and healthy relationship to see what doors might open up for you. Anything in the name of love and science!

cartooney

Cartoon by Stuart Carlson
This and many other cartoons can be found at Slate.

(My personal favorite part of this cartoon is the sign: "Don't let Darwin make a monkey out of you.")

random rant

History is full of great battle stories.
The Sharks vs. the Jets. East Coast vs. West Coast. Batman vs. Lex Luthor.

That was in an E-mail newsletter. So, somewhere somebody thinks Batman and Lex Luthor are archnemeses. And that somebody's editor agreed. It's fine that they don't know who's who in comics, movies, and tv. I know plenty of people who also live in caves (in an ironic twist, Batman is one of them). But then, write something else. There are plenty of other, and much better, "battle stories" to use as an example. How about David and Goliath? Much more recognizable and classic. Or Peter Pan and Captain Hook? There are tons! And this person had to go with Batman and Lex Luthor? (To be fair, it's not that the two haven't met and faced each other and all, but I highly doubt this person is referencing the Batman-Superman movie or the random crossovers in the comics and cartoon. I just totally geeked out. I get a little weird when it comes to DC comics. Ok, I've said too much.)

I also get pissed when I see the crap that people are paid to write. I mean, come on, this is your freaking career and you can't bother to fact check before publishing? And I don't just mean that E-mail. There are libraries and bookstores filled with shitty books (I'm looking at YOU Candace Bushnell) that people pay money for.

Why, God, why?!? When's it gonna be my time??

outFoxed

DEPRESSING DEVELOPMENT: Fox all but confirmed late Thursday that Arrested Development has been canceled. Not only is the show being pulled off the air until Dec. 5, but Arrested's third-season order has been slashed from 22 episodes to just 13. (Arrested's Monday-night companion Kitchen Confidential is also cooked.) And how's this for stomach-churning irony: the Bluth's got the hook the same day that ABC extended a full-season order to Freddie. (TVGuide.com)

How can a show that was nominated for 11 emmys after last season be cancelled? Because we live in a country where a President who says things like "strategery" and "nucular" and, oh yeah, lied to get us into war can get re-elected. And because we live in a world where Paris Hilton is celebrated for being a skinny, spoiled whore.

These are really good shows, people. Arrested has Charlize Theron, Henry Winkler, and Scott Baio guest starring. Come on, when was the last time you saw Scott Baio working (the Happy Days reunion, where he sat at the end because he wasn't really on the show, doesn't count as working)? And he's hilarious! He plays Bob Lablaw (say it out loud and go ahead and have yourself a giggle).

Of course, those are just the guest stars. The cast is so brilliantly funny that I can't even explain, but if you want to borrow the DVDs, I've got both seasons that I'll let you come over and watch (because I don't want to let them out of my sight... jk... you can rent them for a small fee). I'll tell you one thing though: one character mistakenly joined the Blue Man Group because he thought it was a support group for depressed men.

Kitchen Confidential is also a really good show, but since there's only been about 3 episodes and it hasn't aired in a while due to various sporting events, I don't have much to say about it. So, maybe it's not popular yet for that reason. Way to give a shot, Fox.

Now, Fox, did we learn nothing from the cancellation of Family Guy?
And people of America, I implore you, stop watching crap like Wife Swap. And aren't we all sick of 7th Heaven yet (this is their last season anyway, finally)? Next time you've got a case of the Mondays, start your primetime with a hefty laugh and switch to Fox for the best hour of comedy on tv today (starting Dec. 5... they're airing Prison Break this week, which is not a comedy unless you are really creepy). Remember: only YOU can prevent piss poor programming!

Wicked

CNN tells it best... well better than me at least... for now.

Gregory Maguire did an excellent job of rewriting history in his novel-turned-acclaimed-play Wicked, where he takes a new look at what might have really been going on in Frank L. Baum's classic, The Wizard of Oz, and the others in the series. It seems that Kansas state itself is following suit with the story that made it famous (for being in black and white) and taking a stab at rewriting history, as well, but I'm gonna go ahead and guess that they're not going to find the same levels of success. Though it might be interesting to see the play, Intelligent Design: That There's Our Science.

That's right, the Kansas Board of Education approved new public school science standards in a 6-4 vote, in favor of "intelligent design." The last vote proved some very similar results, as did the decision in 1999 to remove the teaching of evolution almost entirely.

We get it, Kansas. Y'all love God. Y'all don't take kindly to no evamolution babble from no science geeks. I tell you what, I bet y'all would like to give that there "Darwin" a big ol' wedgy and call it a day. Quite frankly, it's fine by me because hey, you've given me something to blog about.

But on behalf of the future of your state and all the little children living in it (including my neice and nephew), I've got to ask: What the hell are you doing out there? "In addition, the board rewrote the definition of science, so that it is no longer limited to the search for natural explanations of phenomena." Excuse me? So, then according to this new definition, what they're teaching at Hogwarts can be considered science, right? The Hogwarts School of Science. Very nice. (Except then, magic is paganism... and God doesn't like that... uh-oh! Flaw in the system! Back to the drawing board.)

Plus, you guys just got showed up by Pennsylvania. They voted to oust intelligent design... and aren't those people Amish? But I guess even the Amish get it: "'My kids believe in God. I believe in God. But I don't think it belongs in the science curriculum the way the school district is presenting it,' said Jill Reiter, 41, a bank teller who joined a group of high school students waving signs supporting the challengers Tuesday."

So, come on Kansas, join us and Dorothy in the world of color. You can even still believe in God.

The GOAT and the troll

The GOAT and the troll

Muhammad Ali was one of 14 presented with the Presidential Medal of Freedom this year. And this big billy GOAT gruff was taking no shit from any troll, a.k.a. the president.

Bush, who appeared almost playful, fastened the heavy medal around Muhammad Ali's neck and whispered something in the heavyweight champion's ear. Then, as if to say "bring it on," the president put up his dukes in a mock challenge. Ali, 63, who has Parkinson's disease and moves slowly, looked the president in the eye -- and, finger to head, did the "crazy" twirl for a couple of seconds.

The room of about 200, including Cabinet secretaries, tittered with laughter. Ali, who was then escorted back to his chair, made the twirl again while sitting down. And the president looked visibly taken aback, laughing nervously (Washington Post article, By Jose Antonio Vargas).

Perhaps, the message Ali was trying to convey to Bush was the same thing the third billy goat told the troll when threatening to eat him if he tried to cross his bridge: "Well, come along! I've got two spears, And I'll poke your eyeballs out at your ears; I've got besides two curling-stones, And I'll crush you to bits, body and bones."

If that's not the message, he still openly mocked Bush and for that reason alone, I feel comfortable saying: Oh Muhammad Ali, you truly are the Greatest of All-Time.

Snip, snap, snout.This tale's told out.

From the mouths of babes...

Is that too little to see? You can just click on it to make it bigger. (At least that's what he said... jk i don't know what he i'm talking about anyway.)

Oh Calvin, you are so right. As someone on the brink of adulthood (in years if not in reality), I can honestly say that anything grown-up I might say or do is a total charade. On the inside (and more often than not, it sneaks on to the outside), I am just a little girl, skipping around and singing Rainbow Connection... because "I know they're wrong, wait and see."

Speaking of wrong, the other point of the comic is excellent and needs no further editorialization than that of Calvin. Well, maybe some witty comment from Hobbes that I have not the wit to think of...