Quarter Life Crisis - Econ to English

Like it says in my profile, I'm a 24-year-old girl trying to figure out where life's taking me. I feel lost and confused. And I figure, there's no better way to figure out where I'm going than to retrace my steps and remember where I've been.

When I started college, I felt similarly to how I've been feeling lately. I couldn't figure out where to go or what to major in. I chose GW simply to get out of the NY-NJ area. I started out as an Econ major... because my dad told me if I majored in English or writing... actually there was no if-then statement; I was just disallowed from pursuing writing. I was racking up straight As with my Econ major (if that helps to dispell the notion that I'm stupid, having ended up with a degree in English). I was offered some kind of fellowship or something to go study Econ at Oxford for a semester, which would've been cool. But right before the offer, I started realizing... I hated Econ. It just wasn't my cup of tea.

Around the same time, I took my first creative writing class (and told my dad it was to fulfill the art requirement), which is where I met Dan Gutstein. Dan is still my favorite professor. The first day of his Intro to Creative Writing class, he went around the room and asked what our majors were. When I said Econ, I thought he might actually throw up. He had graduated GW with a degree in Econ and worked in the field for a bit. He asked how I liked it and being that I sounded not so enthused, he offered me some advice: drop it. If you don't love studying it, you're gonna absolutely hate your life when you're working in it. I thought he might have been exaggerating.

By the end of the semester, I was already so depressed and disenchanted with school and my major that I needed to go home early (missing my last final) to reboot. Even my dad was so concerned with my state of mind that he encouraged me to switch my major to English.

That's when I realized, I should always listen to Dan and rarely listen to my dad. Haha. JK... kinda.

What do you do with a B.A. in English?

It's a big funny running joke to mock those of us that chose to major in English. You non-English majors think we're stupid or lazy. You tell us we're never going to make any money and thus, we are useless. I'm sick of it. You are not funny. Shut the hell up, please.

So, in defense of all English majors everywhere, f*ck you guys.

That is all.

p.s. I'm serious. Shut the hell up or I'll take one of my various Norton's Anthologies and shove it straight up your candy ass.

Merry Christmas!

It's stuck in my head... and I'm passing it on...

Merry F@#%in' Christmas - Dennis Leary

Old Saint Nick's got Bourbon breath
It's so cold you could catch your death
A cop sold me some crystal meth
It's a merry fuckin' Christmas

Everything's so Criss-muss-ee
The streets are twinkling with frozen pee
My priest just sat on Santa's knee
It's a merry fuckin' Christmas

All the kids go to bed each night
To dream what Santa brings 'em
Unless they're Jewish or Muslim
Or some other gyp religion

Crappy toys flyin' off the shelves
Midgets dressed up to look like elves
Spread good cheer or burn in Hell
It's a merry fuckin' Christmas

All the kids go to bed each night
To dream what Santa brings 'em
Unless they're Jewish or Muslim
Or some other gyp religion

Cracklin' fires to keep me warm
And my collection of Asian porn
Cradle my bells and work my horn
It's a keep-on-truckin'
Last-year-suckin'
Midget-chuckin'
Slap-the-puckin'
How-much-wood-could-a-woodchuck-chuckin'
Merrrry fuuuuckin' Christmaaaaaas

Happy Chanukah!

Chanukah Song Part 2 - Adam Sandler

Time to take out the menorahs,
Put on your yarmulke,
It's time for Chanukah,
So much fun-akah,
to celebrate Chanukah.

Chanukah is the Festival of Lights,
Instead of one day of presents,
we get eight crazy nights.
When you feel like the only kid in town
without a Christmas tree,
Here's a new list of people who are Jewish,
just like you and me:

Winona Ryder drinks Manischewitz wine
Then spins a dreidle with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein
Guess who gives and recieves loads of Chanukah toys:
The girls from Veruca Salt, and all three Beastie Boys
Lennie Kravitz is half Jewish;
Courtney Love is half too,
Put them together, what a funky bad-ass Jew!
We got Harvey Keitel, and Flash Dancer Jennifer Beals
Yasmin Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish,and yes, her boobs are real!

Put on that yarmulke,
its time for Chanukah,
Two time Oscar winner Dustin Hoffman-akah
celebrates Chanukah

O.J. Simpson, still not a Jew!
But guess who is: The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo!
Bob Dylan was born a Jew, then he wasn't, but now he's back
Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish,
'Cause we're pretty good in the sack
Guess who got Bar Mitzvah'd on the PGA tour:
No I'm not talking about Tiger Woods,I'm talking about Mr. Happy Gilmore

So many Jews are in the show biz,
Bruce Springsteen isn't Jewish, But my mother thinks he is

Tell Daryl Lamonica,
its time to celebrate Chanukah
It's not pronounced "Chanukah",
The "C" is silent in Chanukah
So read your Hooked on Phonickah
Get drunk in Tijuanaikah
If you really, really wannakah
Have a happy, happy, happy, happyChanukah!

Happy Chanukah!

the Year of Stacy

(I forgot this blog is supposed to be about me, on a personal level. My bad.)

My real name is Stacy and this past year has been dubbed (by only me... and some supportive friends and family): the year of Stacy. Former years were not particularly kind to me (I'm looking at you 2001 and 2004). So, last year, around this time, I decided I wasn't gonna take it anymore. 2005 would be my year.

And so it was. I could go ahead and list all the great things that happened to/for me this year, but in trying to do so, I realized that these things cannot be quantified and simplified into a list. The truth is that the second I decided that 2005 would be the year of Stacy, it became exactly that. It didn't matter what happened to me for the rest of the year. The important thing was that I was approaching the new year with the hope and confidence I've lacked in approaching all the previous years.

So, it turned out (duh), it wasn't the years' faults at all (I'm sorry for blaming you, 2001 and 2004; let's be friends again). Every year, every day, every moment... I decide how I'm affected. Lots of craptastic things happened this year (and so it goes), but overall I think I handled those things better than I had in the past, which is all I can ever really hope to do.

As I approach the close of the year of Stacy, I look back to December 31, 2004 and remember my resolve to not let 2005 suck (yeah, I aim high). This new year's eve, maybe I'll raise the bar a bit for my resolution-making. World domination might be fun.

A Smurfy Book

How to Serve Smurfs(... is a cookbook!!!)

Gregory Maguire's doing it again: giving a voice to the villainized. According to the Onion, this time he's telling the tale from Gargamel's point of view. We all knew there was something fishy going on in that Smurf village. And I'm sure we've all heard the comparisons drawn between the Smurfs and 1984. Or the Smurfs and the KKK. So really, this novel has been a long time coming.

*Sidenote
Things I never knew about the Smurfs until finding out about this book:
1) Gargamel created Smurfette with black hair to infiltrate his enemies' ranks aka the Smurfs (my interpretation - brunettes are evil?)
2) The goodness of the Smurf community and a spell by Papa Smurf transformed Smurfette into the high-heel sporting, white dress wearing blonde we're all familiar with, bringing her away from the dark side (my interpretation - blondes are better?)
3) Smurfs are asexual (my interpretation - Smurfs have no fun.)

**Sorry, I should have clarified that the Onion is a parody newpaper.

Meet the Parents

This past weekend, I went home to NJ with my boyfriend. It was his first time visiting my house and family. He was scared. Rumours he had heard about meeting Filipino parents filled his head with anxiety (I'm not sure exactly what those rumours were). Plus, I am the youngest of 3 girls... and my dad does not take kindly to the boys sniffing around his daughters. As an example of the trials endured by our suitors: boys are not allowed upstairs. After about 15 years of being with my sister, over 10 years of marriage, and having two children with her, my brother-in-law has just recently been granted access to the aforementioned restricted area.

This was not the first time for my family to meet the boyfriend, but it was the first significant period of time they would spend together (except for my eldest sister and her family, whom we visited in Kansas already). Things went way better than any of us had anticipated, I think. My dad actually liked him! Well, what he actually said on the phone after I returned to DC was: "That guy's ok."

They played ping pong and watched football together. It was so cute. And it made me really happy. My dad said he can come home with me anytime he wants. It might sound like small accomplishments, but if you know how my dad is with me and my sisters, you've gotta understand that this is huge. HUGE!!

Now, I just have to get his family to like me as much as my family seems to like him...

TV Rap Up

To wrap up the TV Rap week...

Last night, the Simpsons was the funniest I've seen in a long while. I felt like they went back to basics and stopped trying so hard to come up with something fresh. They brought back Sideshow Bob and called the episode "The Italian Bob." The recurring killer character was the mayor somewhere in Italy with a wife and child. My favorite part (though there were many to choose from) was flipping through the book of American criminals and seeing pictures of Peter Griffin of Family Guy with the caption "Plagiaristo" (or something like that) and Stan Smith, the American Dad (this show does not get a link, on purpose), with the caption "Plagiristo di plagiaristo." Though the gag was hilarious, I don't like the idea of Matt Groening and his crew not liking Seth McFarlane and his. It's like cousins fighting: it's okay but uncomfortable.

Grey's Anatomy really laid on the Christmas/holiday spirit, with a lot of the focus being on how that spirit is often accompanied by depression. I'm not sure why I like this show so much, but I do. I guess since I'm not at home to watch the daytime soaps, this and Desperate Housewives provide a good weekly replacement.

The shows I didn't talk about:
Family Guy - rerun
Desperate Housewives - wasn't on in my area; but I think it's an overrated show that I can't stop watching anyway
Charmed - also, wasn't on
Bones - wasn't on this week; I love this show

And that's all I have say about TV for this week.

ps I got a new big screen TV over the weekend (thanks to an overpriced Xmas present from my boyfriend)!

Thursday TV Rap

Ah Thursdays; so much to watch and so little recording time. Usually, I would tape the OC and watch Alias, flipping over to Everybody Hates Chris and Will and Grace every once in a while (since Alias has been faltering of late). At the same time, I would long to watch Smallville. Given the disconnect between my VCR and digital cable and Comcast's shortage of DVRs, it was lucky I was not forced to choose between the OC and Alias, as Alias has made its move to Wednesday (as mentioned in the Wednesday edition). Once again, though, I had to forsake Smallville and miss out on "Lex-mas."

8pm The OC, Fox
I had no idea that the SAT scoring system had changed until Summer announced that she got a 2300. I thought they were pulling a Saved By The Bell, for a second, and making up fake scores (I believe Zack Morris got a 1351 or something like that). Anyway, I would be pissed off if I was Seth, too. I'm glad they made up though; I think they're the cutest couple. Marisa and Ryan are pretty cute themselves, even when Ryan has a stripper rubbing up on him. And then of course, there's Sandy and Kirsten who are indeed so sweet together, it sometimes makes me sick (excpet that I'm an utter romantic and so it only makes me gush). Even Julie had a sweet little date last night... for $5000. But, who goes up to someone at lunch and offers to buy her a drink?
I decided that the reason I like this show is because it's very character-driven (as opposed to its perfect partner Reunion, which is very plot-driven). Almost every time any character speaks, I fall in love just a little bit. Each one of them has their own little endearing characteristics. Summer and Seth are my favs though.
I can't wait for next week's Chrismukkah Bar Mitzvakkah!

9pm, Reunion, Fox
Though it's utterly useless to watch this murder mystery now, being that Fox is evil, I just couldn't resist. Like I said above, this show is almost completely plot-driven, which works for it. I love seeing the characters age so quickly, but it makes it hard for me to understand/relate to them. Still, the plot is intriguing enough for the story to be good. And the characters are good enough to hold it all together. Last night, it was 1993 and Samantha's birthday. Poor Samantha. This girl just cannot catch a break... except for being decently hot. And smart. And nice. And popular. Hmm, perhaps I should rescind my sympathy for her. Anyway, her ER debacle made me think: haven't we all learned anything from Scrubs? But we cannot compare comedy apples to drama oranges. My favorite part was at the end, meeting Carla's future/past love. I love Carla... she's so Molly Ringwald, but pretty. Also, Aaron's "daughter," (that's right I used quotes there) Chloe, is adorable! I would get down on one knee and propose a parent-child relationship to this little cutie, as well.

ps I hate you Fox (more to come on this sentiment).

10pm, South Park, Comedy Central
This show officially airs its new episodes on Wednesdays at 10pm, but Comedy Central knows that whenever they air it, we will watch. Last night's episode started off slow, but ended up just as jaw-droppingly offensive/hilarious as it usually is. This ep (Bloody Mary) focused almost entirely on Stan and his father, leaving the other boys to karate class, where all 4 learned about "disciprine," and watching football with their dads. The issues of the evening were alcoholism and miracles. Stan's dad gets a DUI and is forced to attend AA meetings, where he learns that he has a crippling disease that he is powerless against, aka alcoholism. In a neighboring town, a statue of the Virgin Mary miraculously begins to bleed... out its ass. The ass blood is thought to have healing powers and so Stan's dad sets out on a pilgrimmage to find the miracle cure for his alcoholism. In the end, they realize that the Bloody Mary is not a miracle: she's bleeding out of her vagina, not her butt, and that's no miracle because as the Pope (as only South Park can represent him) decrees, "Chicks bleed out their vaginas all the time." Stan also manages to teach his dad that alcoholism is not a disease and AA is a cult. Instead of drinking so much, he doesn't need to quit absolutely; he needs only to learn "disciprine." The more you know...

BREAKING NEWS (to me)!

1) Reunion (which will be included in tomorrow's TV Rap) has been cut to 13 episodes and will most likely be cancelled after January. Because of the setup of the show, this pretty much makes it damned impossible to wrap up this murder mystery. Fox has done it again.
Oddly enough, this was written about on ESPN.com's Page 2 (scroll down to number 2).

2) There will be a Bateman family reunion on Arrested!
YO, MALLORY!: It will be a family reunion when Family Ties alum Justine Bateman guest-stars on kid brother Jason's Arrested Development. In the Jan. 9 episode, Justine will play Nellie Bluth, a woman Michael suspects may be a long-lost sister of his, so he hires her to consult at the family biz. Then, says Fox's press release, Nellie's "hands-on" tactics catch Michael off guard, leading me to worry that we're gonna have some Angelina Jolie-and-her-brother thing happenin', but I could be wrong. Let's just hope Justine doesn't forego the underwear these days. - TVGuide.com
I hope Fox doesn't decide to cut this also (the episode; I know they've all but cut the show already... damn them).

Wednesday TV Rap

Wednesday is generally a big tv night for most people, I think. Lost and Veronica Mars, I hear, are extraordinarily good shows, but I have yet to see them. I figure I'll watch them on DVD at a later date instead of jump in and catch up now.

For me, Wednesday turns into a lot of channel surfing, especially given that That 70s Show is continuing without Topher Grace or Ashton Kutcher. However, last night premiered Alias' move back to Wednesday nights. This year, instead of leading into the freshman Lost like it did last year, it's piggybacking onto Lost's success in an attempt to redeem itself of its sinking ratings. Perhaps though, it might be more successful if it simply tried to be the show it started out as, which involved a lot of ass-kicking. The pregnancy of Jennifer Garner (damn you Ben Affleck!)has slowed the pace of the show down so much and forced the introduction of some new characters, who just aren't as cool as Sidney. Not that any of it matters much anyway, since this will be the show's last season. Still, it would be nice for it to go out as awesomely as it came in.


On the plus side, it was nice to see Sark again. The short romance between him and Rachel was funny and cute. Although I loved her line, "You're the one who approached me. You're the one who was stupid enough to let me into your room. And you're the one who wanted to cuddle afterwards," I don't really understand why Rachel was so pissed at him; she wasn't exactly forthright with him either. Ah well. Next week though... Vaughn's coming back!! Woo-hoo! Mmmmm I love me some Michael Vartan!

ps ANTM (see comments)

Tuesday TV Rap

MERRY CHRISTMAS, CHARLIE BROWN!
Last night on ABC at 8pm, Charlie Brown celebrated his 40th Christmas. It wasn't a "holiday party;" it was most certainly a Christmas celebration. And it was wonderful.

I love Christmas. It's really the only day of the year I was positive my family wouldn't fight. It had little to do with the presents (though I'm sure it didn't hurt). We didn't really do anything special. We went to church, but we did this every Sunday and all those Sundays typically still included a fight or two thrown in along with God's word. But Christmas was special, in a way I never thought to question or analyze, which I believe to be a miracle in and of itself. This is what I believe to be faith.

9pm My Name Is Earl, NBC
Not a total 180-degree swing from Charlie Brown, Earl (Jason Lee) celebrated Christmas in his own special way: by pretending to still be married to his ex-wife (Jaime Pressley) because they wouldn't approve of her real new husband, who's black. Turns out, no one was being racist; they're all just a little bit nuts. I'll give this episode a big LOL. Line of the night goes to Ms. Pressley in her exclamation after having her real husband wander out of the bedroom in the middle of the night in front of her parents, whom she thought were inexplicably racist: "It's a negro! Oh my God, we're being robbed!"

930pm The Office, NBC
I didn't used to like this show, but it's growing on me. The humor here is very dry and specified to a certain type of person, I think. Anyway, Steve Carell is really funny.


10pm Law & Order: SVU, NBC
Oh my goodness, this show just sucked any cheer, holiday or otherwise, right out of my soul. They threw about 10 different controversial issues into a single unbelievable hour. I use the word "unbelievable" here because it lacked believability, not because it was unbelievably good.

p.s. I know. I watch too much television. But I'm willing to be the guinea pig in finding out exactly how much really is TOO much.

Monday TV Rap

Hooray for digital cable! After giving Comcast a window between 9am and 1pm to be at my apartment (where my boyfriend waited... thanks, boyfriend!), the cable guy arrived promptly at 2:30pm and without a DVR. Oh well. They're discounting the first bill because of the late arrival and the DVR will be installed next week. And again, hooray for digital cable!

Anyway... on with the shows!

8pm Arrested Development, Fox
Again, how can this show be cancelled? But there's no point in mourning what's still here for now. Last night's episode was brilliantly funny, as per usual. Charlize Theron made her departure after guest starring for the past 4 episodes (I think; it's hard to keep track of the episodes when Fox doesn't air the show very often). She played her role as Rita, love interest to Michael Bluth (Jason Bateman) so charmingly sweet, which at the beginning induced suspicion and at the end became just so gosh darn cute, if not a little bit sad. I loved the way they worked in a bunch of flashbacks of her on the show, all leading to the final reveal to Michael about who she really is (you'll have to watch reruns or buy the DVDs to find out... nya nya). My personal favorite funny of this ep: a quick shot of Theron in her Monster role, as an explanation of what Rita looked like before the plastic surgery. Thank goodness she was rich enough to afford it because she looks dead sexy now... haha.

830pm Kitchen Confidential, Fox
I was so happy to see this show back on the air, despite the knowledge that it won't be back for long. Still, gotta savor every taste we can get. Last night reunited Alias alumni Bradley Cooper and Michael Vartan in the sexiest half hour of comedy I've seen in a long while. Cooper plays Jack Bourdain, star chef of the show, while Vartan guest starred as a rival chef/friend named Michel. Vartan got to show off his French accent (he was born in France), which was as irresistible to the ladies on screen (Mimi, you lucky bitch) as it was to this lady watching. Besides the sex appeal, the ep was funny too! The two chefs break out into an epic battle of restaurant vs. restaurant after Michel steals a specialty dish of Jack's to put on his own menu. Jack's army supported him brilliantly. And the eventual mutiny was played even more brilliantly.

The stellar kitchen cast includes: Nicholas Brendan (yay Buffy alum!) as Seth, John Cho (that Asian guy from American Pie... and then Harold and Kumar) as Teddy, John Francis Daley (from Freaks and Geeks once upon a time) as Jim, and Owain Yeoman (I don't know what else he's been in, but I'm hoping to see much more of him) as Steven. On the floor, they've also got Jaime King (Sin City and simply a hottie) as Tanya, the dim but sweet hostess, and Bonnie Somerville (was she in California Dreams?) as Mimi, the head waitress.
Check out more about this show on myspace.

830pm How I Met Your Mother, CBS
Last night was a rerun and since I had no DVR and was watching Kitchen, I did not get to watch it again. But I just wanted to give this show the props it deserves. It offers a very different brand of humor than that of Arrested or Kitchen and it's just as good at what it does. Watch this show! As far as I know, it's not cancelled; so, you have a little bit more time to catch it than the above two. Still, I wouldn't waste any time. You've already missed: Barney licking the Liberty Bell, the attack of the cockamouse, the mystery of the pineapple, and much much more.

9pm Related, WB
Rerun last night. Also, I'm not sure when its actual airtime is. But I just wanted to point it out because it's a cute show. It reminds me of my sisters.

p.s. On TVGuide.com's Watercooler poll, Arrested and Kitchen are 2 of the 3 best shows viewers watched last night. It's a good thing they're cancelled.

TV Rap Week

Tonight will mark the temporary return of Kitchen Confidential to Fox's Monday night lineup, following a new episode of Arrested Development. Of course, we can't get too excited given that Fox has decided to cancel both shows. Logic has never dictated my emotions too well, though, and I'm ecstatic for tonight's television offerings.

Besides the fact that Arrested Development, Kitchen Confidential and How I Met Your Mother (repeat) are all on, I will be getting digital cable today! Finally! Along with a DVR! As an uber-couch potato and tv-fanatic, this is all very exciting for me. So, in honor of all this tv excitement, my blog this week will be dedicated to all things television. I'm thinking of it as a practice round for my eventual successful column: "TV Rap."

This is history in the making folks! If you'd like to print out these entries, I'd happily autograph them for you =oP